Burdened By Guilt Page 12

  “Go down to the book store and get the book and some Cliffs Notes or whatever,” he told Kevin. Once he gave the order he knew Kevin would become suspicious but he wasn’t about to entertain that conversation with him just yet. “You’re going back to college for a couple of days.”

  He was learning how to deal with Kevin and his little idiosyncrasies but he still didn’t fully trust him. Smythe would go insane if he knew what was going on and as long as Kevin was his little buddy Mike wouldn’t trust his discretion.

  “By the way,” Mike started, trying to sound as casual as possible. “How did you find Suz…uh…Dr. Kelly anyway? You never did say.”

  “Through the Internet,” he responded. “I’m new to the area and I didn’t know where to start. So I just looked her up.”

  “Her?” Mike asked.

  “Well, I didn’t pick her specifically. I looked up two or three different school directories and I just picked her.”

  “Why her?”

  Kevin contemplated Mike’s question. He looked over at him and shrugged with obvious embarrassment.

  “Alright,” Mike said. “Just get the book and give me a report out by tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow?” Kevin asked surprised. “Don’t you think that’s a bit fast?”

  “Well, college superstar. You graduated in two years. I figured you could handle it,” he mocked.

  Kevin had nothing to say to that. He looked at his watch. It was just past nine in the morning.“I guess I’ve got my work cut out for me for the rest of the day. You can reach me on my cell if you need me.”

  The Internet? He might as well have just picked her name out of a hat. At least he had his answer although he wasn’t sure if he felt better or worse. It didn’t clarify any questions he had about her involvement. If she had come to them, then everything would make sense but her selection was random negating any conspiracy theories.

  The connection between her and the third victim nagged at him. He could forget about her similarities to Carolyn. He couldn’t forget about her similarities to their suspect.

  He felt like a plan was unfolding around him and he was just the dumbass caught in the middle. He needed to know more about Dr. Suzanne Kelly before they both ended up on Greg’s table.

  Chapter 24

  Suzanne’s body ached all over. There wasn't a single muscle that wasn't screaming in protest against every move she made. She had stayed in bed from the minute Mike dropped her off until now, almost twenty-four hours later. It wasn't like her to spend so much time idly but under the circumstances she wasn't going to berate herself too much. Besides, considering the drugs she was on she wouldn't have been able to get out of bed if a nuclear bomb had gone off underneath it. She needed the rest but it did feel good to get up—at least mentally.

  She was starving and couldn't wait to raid the refrigerator. Thinking back, her last meal was the lunch she had with Mike the day before. Just the thought of it made her stomach growl in protest. She would have plenty of time to review what they discussed after she addressed her basest needs first. Unfortunately she wasn't much for keeping up with the grocery shopping and her fridge yielded nothing. Unless she wanted a moldy tortilla wrap with mayo and wilted lettuce she was out of luck.

  She walked over to the pantry. Out of sheer desperation she could provide herself some sustenance with peanut butter, canned corn and stale crackers. It wasn't exactly gourmet but it would do the job.

  She gathered up her dishes when she saw Mike's card still sitting where he left it. She reached over and picked it up. The last time they spoke ran through her mind as she flicked the corner with her finger. They hadn't exactly parted ways amicably and she regretted that. It wasn't like she was in the best state of mind but he had saved her and he deserved better. He came to the hospital to see her and he even bought her lunch ensuring she ate before passing out at home.

  He did have ulterior motives but he also could have interviewed her at the hospital then left her to fend for herself. Instead he took the noble road. Unused to men treating her with respect, his consideration made her uncomfortable.

  She tapped the card on her chin as she let herself imagine a different life, one without fear, pain and distrust. She let her mind wonder to more romantic, more sexual thoughts about him. She imagined running her fingers through his curly, dark hair as he bent over to kiss her, his large stature dwarfing her as he wrapped his arms around her. The feelings of safety and protection it evoked made her smile.

  He picked her up off the floor as if she were weightless and carried her into the bedroom. Laying her down on the bed he slowly lowered the full extent of his weight onto her, pushing her further and further into the mattress. His kisses were deep and sensual, going from soft wispy pecks to deep and penetrating. Kisses she could feel down to her toes. The remnants of his beard left a rash on her mouth she would enjoy feeling over and over again for days to follow.

  She instinctively spread her legs slightly to accommodate the fantasy now playing in her head. She could feel him pressed between her thighs the bulge of his passion pushing against the restraints of his zipper. His hips moved against her only providing a preview of what was to come. As her fantasy became more vivid she heard herself moan out loud and she jumped.

  She looked around the room as if ensuring no one watched her. Satisfied she was alone and silently scolding herself for thinking otherwise she shook her head to clear the fantasy and refocused on her original task. Picking up her plate and silverware she went back to the kitchen. The physical reaction to her fantasy obvious in her gait as she tried to regain her usual composure.

  The thought of seeing him again made her smile until she realized the only subject they would talk about would be her and the attack: two topics she wasn't comfortable discussing with anyone. Finally her desire to see him overcame her resistance and she walked over and picked up his card again.

  She stood in her living room vacillating, Mike's card in one hand, the phone in the other. She would dial and then hang up. Dial again and then hang up again. She felt like a sixteen-year-old girl calling a boy to ask him to the prom. Her stomach formed knots as her frustration increased.

  Finally, she dialed and did not hang up, part of her hoping he wouldn't answer. She would leave him a message and then the ball would be in his court. She put one hand on her head while the phone rang praying he wouldn't pickup.

  "Anderson," Mike's deep voice sounded on the other end.

  Her body immediately reacted but she didn't reply.

  "Hello?" He asked.

  "Detec—" she cleared her throat. Her vocal cords felt glued together. "Detective Anderson. It's Dr. Kelly. Suzanne."

  No response.

  "Hello? Detective?"

  "Uh, yeah. Hi. Hello. How are you feeling?" Mike asked.

  "Better. Thank You."

  Silence. "Everything okay?" He asked.

  "Oh, right. Yes. I’m fine. I…uh…I…." She hadn't thought this conversation through very well. She didn't have any idea what she wanted to say to him or at least what she could say to him at this point. "I—I was wondering if you might be free for dinner tonight." Her eyes slammed shut. Was that what she really wanted to say to him? "I wanted to thank you for being so kind and taking care of me the other day. I know you didn't have to do that and I wanted to let you know how much I appreciated your consideration."

  Mike didn't have a chance to respond before she chimed back in.

  "I understand this is very last minute so I understand if you already have plans. It isn't a big deal I just wanted to see you…I mean see you to thank you…personally…face to face…so I can thank you." Brilliant.

  Silence.

  She was about to say something else when he finally responded.

  "That’s fine," he said.

  An immediate sense of relief overcame her and then just as quickly her nerves ratcheted up again. The prospect of seeing him especially after her sexual fantasy sent her mind into a tailspin.


  "What time and where would you like to meet?" He asked.

  “How about Morgan’s on 83rd?” Great. Could you have picked a more conspicuously romantic place for dinner? Idiot.

  Mike cleared his throat. “Seven thirty?” He asked.

  “I’ll meet you there,” she said and hung up the phone without saying good-bye.

  Chapter 25

  A jet black mountain scape and strategically placed desert landscape framed the stand alone restaurant in the high end strip mall. The immaculately decorated interior was a modern minimalistic style and offered the perfect venue for celebratory dinners, high-end business meetings and the occasional clandestine rendezvous. Low level lighting from understated chandeliers and table centered candles ensconced in low profile crystal hurricanes kept the restaurant intimate and unobtrusive. Well-pressed wait staff in black and white uniforms weaved in an out of the white linen topped tables greeting each guest with hurried but respectful smiles of welcome.

  Their table, angled against the floor to ceiling window, was the last in a row already filled by diners. Couples held hands and smiled lovingly into each other’s eyes oblivious to the two strangers led by the statuesque hostess dressed in a second skin of black silk and platform black stilettos. She turned and waved her hand toward the table allowing them to choose their seat, handed them their leather clad, gold embossed menus and returned to the bay of interchangeable hostesses corralled at the front door.

  "I want to apologize for the restaurant,” Suzanne said as she brushed the napkin lying across the blue and white floral of her knee length dress. Her dark hair hung loosely to her shoulders as she caught a stray tendril and placed it behind her ear. “This isn't exactly the most appropriate place to take someone to say 'thank you'. I hope you aren't feeling too uncomfortable."

  Mike laughed self-consciously his eyes still focused on the hair now wrapped around the back of her ear. He felt an overwhelming need to fist a handful and pull her to him. "Well, I did think it was rather extravagant but who am I to second guess a free meal." He cleared his throat and sat up straight as he reached for the water glass. The fit of his black dress pants hit him awkwardly in all the wrong places and he readjusted in his seat. The only pair not tainted by work, he threw them on in a panic not realizing how old they were or that he’d gained a few pounds since. He now regretted his lack of foresight.

  She smiled. "Location notwithstanding, I did want to let you know how much I appreciated everything you did for me, from catching me as I came out of the door to taking me to lunch and finally home. That really was above and beyond the call of duty."

  He raised his water glass to her, took a sip and straightened the cloth napkin in his lap.

  Their innocuous chit-chat continued as Mike ordered a bottle of wine which they finished before their dinner arrived. She ordered another smiling at his look of surprise. He thought to object at her indulgence but could not argue with the intoxication induced calmness and instead, remained quiet.

  “So,” she began. “Are you always this considerate with women you just happen to save?”

  “Just doin’ my job, ma’am.” He joked and tipped the non-existent ten-gallon hat in her direction.

  She picked up her glass by the rim, all five fingers stabilizing as she swirled the burgundy liquid around. “Seriously Mike. Was all of that just…part of the job?”

  He cleared his throat and brushed the back of his wrist across his lips. “No. It isn’t standard procedure…if that’s what you’re asking.”

  She took a drink then set down her glass.

  “I guess I just wanted to help…you,” he took a sip of his wine. “Especially when you said you didn’t have anyone else.”

  She stared at her finger as it traced the rim of the glass.

  “I’m sorry,” Mike apologized. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  She shook her head but remained focused on her wine.

  “Suzanne?” He prodded until she looked at him, her eyes glassy and distant. “Why don't you have anyone to help you? You've been here…in Arizona…for a while haven't you?"

  She looked out the window.

  He started to apologize again but she cut him off. "No. It's okay. It's a fair question and under the circumstances understandable." She took a deep breath and looked down at her lap. Her words came out in an exhale. "I…my mother died when I was very young. I was left in the care of my father. He and I had a…falling out when I got older and I haven't seen him since. I have no other family to speak of.”

  “I—I’m sorry.”

  She smiled and waved him off. “There’s nothing to be sorry about. It’s no one’s…fault…I guess. Nothing to feel guilty about.”

  He took a long drink of wine.

  She continued. “I was never very good at making friends when I was a child which carried on into adulthood. It isn't intentional but I just don't have that, that thing, you know? That thing that makes people want to be around you. So, I stopped trying. I just came off false anyway. Besides I learned very early to keep people at a distance. At least that way…that way they can't hurt you." She reached for the bottle and filled her glass.

  "I guess I can appreciate that," Mike validated, nursing his own hurts with the remainder of the wine.

  "So, now that I've killed the mood,” she laughed awkwardly. “Why don't you tell me more about you? I don't know anything about you except you're a detective. Have you ever been married?"

  Now it was Mike’s turn for revelation.

  He told her about Carolyn leaving out the similarities between them. Unwilling to make either of them immensely uncomfortable he thought it best to leave those details until a more appropriate and less intoxicated moment. Besides, how do you tell a woman you’re attracted to that she reminds you of your dead wife? Add on a side of murder suspect and it was a meal he could not serve. The wine in her glass was meant for one place and he didn’t want it to be his face.

  The night progressed on smoothly as did their inebriation. It was almost eleven and the staff busied themselves with their closing duties. They spent three and a half hours talking, sometimes intense and guarded but mostly relaxed and pleasurable.

  “We need a cab,” Mike said.

  “Without question,” she confirmed.

  Twenty minutes later they were on the way to Suzanne’s house. It never crossed his mind she might ask him in but as soon as the cab stopped she paid the man and got out.

  “Coming?” She said.

  He couldn’t have said “no” even if he wanted to. And he didn’t want to.

  They walked inside. She set down her purse and keys on the entry table, walked into the living room and placed her wrap over the arm of the sofa.

  He watched her move.

  “Drink?” She asked.

  “I’m not so sure that’s such a good idea,” he laughed. He was already leaning against the wall just to keep his balance.

  “Probably not,” she said. “Drink?”

  She walked over to a state-of-the art wine refrigerator next to the dining room table, opened the door and read the tags hanging from the necks. After finding the one she wanted, she closed the door, picked the perfect decanter from the dozen on an adjoining shelf and uncorked the bottle.

  They sat on the sofa sipping their wine.

  “This probably isn’t a good idea either,” she finally spoke.

  “What’s that?”

  She put her glass on the coffee table and reached over to take his. “I guess this just isn’t the night for good ideas,” she said as she leaned forward.

  “Suzanne—” Mike protested.

  “Please. Don’t—don’t say anything.” She leaned in closer and kissed him.

  He stopped trying to resist. He made his protests earlier but with her closeness, the smell of perfume on her neck and red wine on her breath he was done trying to be chivalrous. He wanted her and there was nothing more to it.

  Chapter 26

  She pushed him back into the
sofa cushions. She knew he let her take the lead. His entire frame screamed his conflict. If she thought about it anymore she would give into rationality as well and she wasn’t about to do that. There was no explanation for her behavior. This was as far away from who she was. Maybe that was why she was doing it. She needed to be far away. She needed to be someone she wasn’t. Even if it was just for one night.

  “Don’t think,” she heard herself say. At that moment she didn’t know if she was talking to Mike or to herself. At that moment it didn’t matter.

  Whether it was the push he needed or just coincidence she felt his body change underneath her. No longer rigid and unyielding, he softened against her responding to her hands, her mouth and her body. Strong, callused hands touched her face then moved into her hair repositioning her face so their kiss could deepen.

  He invaded her mouth with his tongue, plunging in and out, tasting her own tongue and lips soft at times then demanding. She felt as if he sucked the breath from her body as she went limp in his arms now wrapped around her shoulders like a boa constrictor. He squeezed the last juices of logic and concern out of her leaving her breathless and wet with anticipation.

  The fantasy she indulged in earlier came to life as he flipped her over, put his arms under her and lifted her from a seated position. His lips trailed from hers, down to her neck then up to her ear as he tightened his grip pulling her body closer to his. Hot and wet he trailed his tongue along the cartilage of her ear down to the soft flesh of her lobe which he sucked into his mouth and laved like a kitten with a saucer of milk.

  Blinded by the sensation she let her mind go until the softness of her bed pressed against her back. Gentle at first then giving way as she felt the fullness of his weight push her deeper into the mattress crushing her beneath him. In a split second of panic she jolted realizing she could only escape if he allowed it. A giant to her frame, the position made it impossible for her to struggle or even call out if she needed.

  “Are you okay?” He asked as he pushed himself up onto his hands.

  She blinked multiple times as her eyes adjusted to the darkness. The only light from a beam coming from her bathroom.